biancasimone.com

so what if I don't like girls at all...
Or maybe I just don't like certain types of girls... or maybe I don't like certain things girls do.

*sigh* I hated today. I woke up with a cracked contact and so I went pirate all day (whenever I did something that required far vision, I closed my right eye since the left one had the contact in, and vice versa). I could have survived if the LEFT contact would have cracked but NOOOO. So, fine, I go pirate all day. In my stupidity, I leave both my old perscription of contacts and my glasses back at the dorm. Thinking my mom had picked up my new perscription, I didn't worry about it. Then she tells me that she didn't pick it up at ALL last week; she tried going in today but the office was closed at 11AM... she tried calling the optometrist at his house (his parents are our neighbors across the street--he just moved from their house a while ago) but she didn't get any answer at his house. So, now I have to go around with limited vision until I get back Monday.

Then there's the deal with Bridget. *sigh* I hated leaving her at Transy because they are so totally GHETTO over there. I'm sorry, but if I'm paying $30,000 a year I am NOT going to live in a dorm as crappy as that one. I think I twisted my knee while I was over there... if I sit cross-legged for too long my kneecap does funny things and it felt really bad today. My knee has been hurting ever since. I think that room hates me. I take that back, I think that entire DORM just hates PEOPLE. Maybe it's just freshman housing, but her dorm sucks so bad. They don't even have freaking call waiting over there! I've been trying to call her but my cell phone went out so I tried calling her back from the house but either she tried calling me simultaneously or Cari (her roommate) is on the phone.

I need a new cell phone! I know what phone I want, what plan I want, what options I want, what accessories I want, I even know what phone my mom should get. I hope we're getting new phones and a new plan tomorrow. If not, I will probably have a heart attack and die.

And then there's boys! I don't hate them, they just drive me up the wall. You know, everyone has their image of the person that is the one for them. Every time I come home, I realize that finding that person for me will be next to impossible. That's just how it is. I don't mean to sound cryptic or anything, but I'm not going to be around long enough to get married. I just have this feeling that the end of the world and the end of my life will coincide. I dunno, it just seems like every stride I make or try to make doesn't go my way. Every boy that I like is afraid to take chances or afraid to trust or afraid to let go or just not ready to open up.

I think I just need a good, unexpected hug from someone ...

Maybe I just want too much out of life. Maybe that's why I'm haunted by my dreams... the difference between what makes me feel good and what really goes on just drives me insane.

you're peeking inside the head of biancasimone @ 11:32 PM 0 comments

so what if I don't like her?
So I've noticed that I don't like very many girls besides the ones that I become friends with myself (as opposed to the through-other-friends method). There's someone specifically who I'm talking about *cough*... she's never given me a reason to like her, and she's never given me a reason to dislike her. I think I just assume all girls are out to steal my guy friends so I tend to act kind of weird. I think I met her for like five seconds after an event that I unfortunately didn't get invited to (such is the life of being not-as-cute as all your other female friends--or being the only single one). So, in conclusion, I'm sure she's a great gal (I mean, why are you friends with her if she's not); she may not be at the top of my list but if she's at (or near) the top of hers, I will respect her. That's how I am. :)

you're peeking inside the head of biancasimone @ 12:25 AM 0 comments

Before I go to bed I just want to say I LOVE CLASS!!! And somehow, the months always end with someone having slept on my floor, someone laying on my floor aimlessly because of homework, and me owing someone $5.

you're peeking inside the head of biancasimone @ 1:12 AM 0 comments

i need happy
ARGH I woke up today thinking it was Sunday and being all excited. Then I realized that it's ONLY SATURDAY. And I don't have anything to do except sit on my butt and wait for my Triangles to get back. They're doing their weekend retreat. How cute! :)

comic relief
As most of you know, Bryce is one of my favorite sources of comedy, mostly because he usually doesn't make sense or if he does it takes a while to click. Anyway, I had to read this three times, laughing harder with each rendition: "I'm ... completely angry with my Circuit City printer extended warranty. If I still worked there I would take my printer into the store, complain to myself, argue with myself at the customer service station, then give into myself, and finally get a replacement printer. It may have looked insane, but I'm sure it would get the job done." You and your Circuit City craziness, I swear...

But, OH WAIT! This isn't as good as: "I bought my college books a few days ago. That is were all my money goes, into 130 dollar books. A solid gold book would cost less." Ahh, Bryceity, how right you are. People should just melt down all their golden belongings into book-shaped blocks and sell them to the government.

you're peeking inside the head of biancasimone @ 3:20 PM 0 comments

swimming
Waiting for school to start makes me feel like I'm in the seventh grade all over again... on the swim team. I'm anxiously awaiting the whistle to blow. I know when it's going to happen, but the full force won't hit me until I break the smooth surface of the cool water. Then I just go and go and go until I'm done; no time to think too hard, just act; no time to pause; no time to look back. I just have to go. But I can't go until I start.

Why can't Monday get here faster?

you're peeking inside the head of biancasimone @ 1:39 AM 0 comments

everything

• Wes asked me about kissing last night, and we kinda talked about its importance (to me and him at least) in a relationship. It's a touchy subject for me because it makes me feel like I'm missing something because I'm single.
  
• I didn't get invited back to Sigma Kappa today (Well, Tuesday). I liked the two sororities that invited me back, but...
  
• Sheryll and I wanted to go DDRing but Lazer Blaze isn't on their summer hours anymore, so it was closed. We went to Qdoba and Smoothie King instead (I needed some kinda fruit drink to cheer me up)
  
• Bryce and I went to Outback Steakhouse today; the first time I've ever gone... not the last--but who's to say that the next won't be the last? I made him bite back his inhibitions about 'having a girl pay for the whole thing'. Although, I did let him get the tip... Okay, he made me let him get the tip.
  
• Love is back. I really like him... it's weird though because I know he likes me but I don't know if there's dating potential in his mind. It doesn't matter though, by the time he would decide or not I'd already be dating someone else (that's how it always happens).
  
• Sowmya asked something really weird today. She asked Bryce and I (since the three of us were just conversating) what it felt like to be in love. While Bryce went all Moulin Rouge on us (and we proceeded to pick on him about it), I just kinda sat there speechlessly. I know what it feels like to be in love, and it's really close to indescribable for me.
  
• Tutoring training starts tomorrow at 8.30 AM and ends around 4M; it's also Pref night for Rush/Recruitment week, and that starts at 5 PM. I just hope I'm not too late, and that I get invited back to two houses.

That's just an overview of everything inside my head right now. I'm just ready for Monday (classes)!

you're peeking inside the head of biancasimone @ 3:07 AM 0 comments

"The cute, smart, funny, straight guy is a dying breed." --Zack Edens, in response to me saying that I'm just attracted to really cute, sweet, funny guys but it just so happens that all those guys were gay or taken.

you're peeking inside the head of biancasimone @ 12:54 AM 0 comments

What a week! After too many doctors and way too much prodding (I'm so glad I'm not self concious anymore, I'd change into those stupid garbs in the freaking waiting room if I had to), I feel much better ... assuming my test results come in all good. Which they always do. :)

So, I started crying while playing Dr. Mario. No, not because I got pummelled for the third time by that dang boss. I was thinking about things (from school to greek life to Kyle to Bryce to... Paul). And well, you know the whole deal with that. It's been 8 months and I still haven't visited his grave or his family. I feel bad saying I'm busy. I sit here on my butt all day. I can't really go anywhere (what with no car and all), and I'm tired of depending on other people to drive me place (especially Ed--he knows where Paul is buried and it's some obscure place. But every place in this area is in an obscure place). I really want to go to the movies with Kyle tonight and then kick his butt in bowling. I am NOT taking Brian with me; I'm still mad at him for peeing on the seat at night in his sonambulic stupor. I haven't had any bonding time with my favorite brother (Kyle) in a while. Plus, the movie theater was the last place I saw Paul... *sigh* I miss him a lot.

I come back to l'ville tomorrow! And I owe Phase II $100+. I can handle that effortlessly. I have to remember to tell Mom to get $600 out of the savings instead of $500 now; I hope she lets me. And I need to get books tomorrow too. And I need to remember to give Sheryll her Harry Potter books (and then maybe go out for a round of DDRing... ^_^). And I need to remember to drop by Tony's and give him his book and just plain hang (and, oh yea, flirt). GAH! I'm so anxious for Rush and school and ... life. I can't wait to have my own place ... which means my own PUPPY!!!!! and my own cool plates and mismatching cups/bowls/silverware and my own bills [i know i'm weird] and my own guy. I think I'm just excited to see what the future (both immediate and long-term) holds.

*sings* gay boyfriend, gay boyfriend, i really don't care that you are queer... ^_^

you're peeking inside the head of biancasimone @ 12:43 PM 0 comments

dream, dream, dream
So I had this dream about me liking a cute boy. I refuse to go into details here because certain people will harrass me (as they always do about me and my boy predicament). All I have to say is I hope that this is one of those dreams that tells the future. I mean, come on... Jenna was in it and I don't dream about her on a normal basis. *gasp* Maybe it's at some fraternity/sorority function and the cute boy is in a fraternity (delta-T? ;-D )... hmm, maybe I should keep dreaming.

i am a puppy
So I went over to Bridget's yesterday and washed my hair (I like her blow dryer better than mine) and I let her play with my hair a little... I swear, every time I let that girl touch my hair I end up feeling like a little puppy because she pets me so much. I didn't really mind it yesterday though; my hair was behaving exceptionally well. :)

play with my hair!
So today, after I go to Ryan's (my optometrist) office to get a new perscription and talk to him about the cool colored contacts, I'm going to let Mary braid my hair (extensions). I want them longer than the last time (like two inches longer), but kind of the same style (same color as my hair with red highlights, maybe some bigger blonde ones in the front). ...Speaking of going places, I don't have a car and WHERE IS MOM? I'm supposed to be at Ryan's in like 15 minutes!

stupid phone
So, my phone is almost dead now... The battery is being evil. I'm going to copy down all my friends' numbers soon... like tonight. Not that I don't know at least half of them by heart. :) I think I convinced Mom to get the FamilyTalk plan. The phone I showed her she should get is free if you order online, and mine was $200 (which I'm paying for myself). I just hope we get it soon.

you're peeking inside the head of biancasimone @ 10:51 AM 0 comments

My page doesn't look half bad with Netscape 7... :D

You know you have a true friend when they tell you that you've been acting stupid and should cut it out in the morning... and by the evening they have forgiven you because they understand and want to hang out with you again (as long as you don't act stupid again). Love ya. :)

Man... trying to pack an entire summer into 5 days is hard. I have to go to two separate doctors (one Thursday, one Friday), get my hair done Thursday, and I go back Saturday morning. Wheee! :) I think if I clean my room tomorrow my mom will let me have some money so I can get some stuff at Wal*Mart (since I decided to ONLY bring my dirty clothes and toothbrush with me this weekend... luckily I have random 'supplies' hidden in my room and my bathroom so I am sorta okay; I just need a little restock). I think if I clean my room really well tomorrow (well, I suppose today since the post date says "Wednesday"), Mom will seriously consider letting me get my own phone. After the paycheck on Friday I'm halfway to buying the phone I want. :) I think Dad persuaded her to get a new phone (or at least a new plan). He wants me and Mom to get FamilyTalk; he doesn't want to worry about her commuting to and from Morehead for her classes and her get stranded or whatnot. I just need a new phone. I want to keep the original number, though, because people already have that cell phone number... I really don't want to try to track everyone that has my number and get them to change it OR for her to get calls from crazy boys that might leave 'naughty' messages (I can only think of one that might do it and hopefully he won't ever do it). ... and WHILE I'm getting all these things that I need, how can I convince my parents to get me a car? Hmm... Wes and I looked at some cars the other day at the Ford dealership. I saw a Mazda 6 and OHHH they are pretty, and spacious! I test-drove one and it was great. I think if I showed them that and THEN one of the (used) new-school Protégés that they might get me another Protégé. Wish me luck. ;-)

you're peeking inside the head of biancasimone @ 12:03 AM 0 comments

I changed my mind; Leadership Advantage rocked. There's just something about dressing up that makes everything more fun. And, I have a cool LA shirt now. :)

Anyway, I told you I was a gay boy in a girl's body...


You're A Yaoi Boi (Gay Boy)! Sensitive and caring, you just want some boyXboy love! Is that too much to ask?


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you're peeking inside the head of biancasimone @ 11:45 PM 0 comments

Weary traveler
That's what I feel like. I'm listening to Shakira right now because her (Spanish) songs always connect with me. Why do I feel weary? Leadership Advantage is taking a lot out of me. I feel like I'm a participant (one of the incoming freshmen) instead of a facilitator, because this is my first time and my co-facilitators (Todd and Jonathan--not my acting partner) worked with each other last year so they know everything and step up and I don't. Also, LA is compacted into 4 days (and they were sorta unorganized IMHO. At GSP, I got to know a LOT of people within the first few days... LA, on the other hand, is only a few days. Although there are significantly less people, I still feel like it's a diluted version of me. I don't feel like I'm clicking with anyone, not even the people that I've felt close to before LA started. I've told a lot of people that Thursday, right before my final and before LA participants began to show up, that I was feeling great after my acting class: I was upbeat and crazy and happy and felt like I was having fun. I crossed Eastern (Parkway--to get to the "let's go guys!" LA meeting) and something went off in my head. I just don't feel like I'm up to par and it's having an adverse effect on my peers.

So I am going to get up at 8 tomorrow, and go home sometime around 3 (maybe?). After chatting with Bridget and such for a little while, I'm supposed to go out with a certain boy (who keeps wanting to do stuff and then it doesn't happen at the last minute and he tries to reschedule at another time that's bad for me). ... I feel this week will be trying to compact lots of stuff into not a lot of time, and I hope it doesn't end up that way. I hope I can have at least ONE day to just sleep, then hang out in my PJs, then do laundry (and random housework) before Mom gets back from work. Maybe being at home for a few days will help me clear up my head and push all my worries aside. In fact, I'm sure of it. I wish I could go to church because seeing all of my crazy church family always makes me feel better.

I dunno, I feel like I'm sitting on something here, and that I'm always half a step behind. I'm welcoming change, but at the same time I'm afraid of it because I still want to feel like I'm being me whether I'm tutoring or taking notes or studying or sleeping. It's scary because I feel like I've got all these (people) crutches but I have to go do this on my own. If there's anyone out there that's remotely like me and has gone through what I feel like I'm about to do then they are far, far away and by the time I ask for their assistance (or even find them) I will already be moving on to something else. I just don't want to lose anyone. I don't want to be alone.

you're peeking inside the head of biancasimone @ 2:27 AM 0 comments

hangin' out
So today after acting, Bryce and I napped and then we decided to go hang out on the town (hehe). We went to Burger King first, where we saw three kids without shoes on come in and order. I was thinking that they are like the boxcar children... I mean, how hard can it be to just grab some random shoes when you walk out the door! Anyway, we went to Graeters where he proceeded to haggle the little chick behind the counter about some drink think that's in NKY but not at this Graeters... so he got some sorbet (which I tasted and think was icky) and I had cookie dough chip ice cream in a waffle cone. There was some weird phallic-looking piece of chocolate which I thought was pretty weird and Bryce thought was pretty comical... but, come on, what guy wouldn't?

you're peeking inside the head of biancasimone @ 10:12 PM 0 comments

So I think i'm just going to give up all use of my right hand... if it doesn't fall off by the time I'm 21. GAH it kills me every day. And the bad part is, I'm right-handed! I don't even know what I've done to make it so crappy. I think it has something to do with popping my wrist 18 times in a row, loudly. Can I get a chiropracter in here?

Acting was boring today, for once. Johnathan (my partner for the final scene) was all excited about practicing today when I talked with him yesterday. Today I felt like skipping class, but I decided to go because Johnathan wanted to practice after class. So I went... and he wasn't even there! I was so mad. I hope I can convince someone to help me memorize the tricky lines I can't seem to come up with. And I have to practice the way I sit... I sit like a big, dorky boy and the woman I am portraying in the scene is a fifty-something year old, proper woman. Ehhh... I can do it. :)

Love called me today! Yay! I can't wait for this semester to be over (three more days for me!). Friday is when the Fall semester will officially begin for me. I just don't have to do much school work for the first two weeks. ;) Speaking of starting school, Brian and Kyle go back to school tomorrow (whee!) and Kyle is a freshman now (how cute!) so he'll get harrassed a little I'm sure, but I can' t really thing of anything or anyone that will drive him nuts. But if he does get any bullies... his sister will take care of them for him. *grin* Hey, I'm a firm believer in me being the only person that is allowed to beat up my little brothers. :) What can I say, violence at my house is rather commonplace! It just shows love, until the last man (or kid) standing is laughing and the other one cries. Then it's Mom chasing all three of us through the house with a switch or paint stick or house shoe... :D

you're peeking inside the head of biancasimone @ 4:41 PM 0 comments

Words of wisdom from (one of) my favorite Indian girls: "You said something about having a dynamic relationship with someone- it's frustrating isn't it? So many guys this year only seem to go for the tiny blonde (no names) instead of the cool personalities. I don't get it- you have an awesome personality- I'm sure you'll find that one." -- Sowmya

I don't get it either, Sowmya. But I'm done actively pursuing. When I find the guy that I click with, I just know; I always do. If it happens to be mutual, that's great too.

Oh, THIS is funny!

"Democratic presidents have had an Average IQ of 156. Republican presidents have had an Average IQ of 115.5." aka: Don't shoot the messenger! Here is the site!

Now, you may not agree with that, but you should agree that Dubya is the president with the lowest IQ in 70 years (or more).

you're peeking inside the head of biancasimone @ 12:47 AM 0 comments