biancasimone.com

The Village

...isn't as scary as you might think. Yea it's a little creepy, but I think the previews hype it up to be this on-the-edge-of-your-seat-chiller-and-thriller. Nah. But I still liked it. Bryce and I think M. Night Shyamalan thinks Joaquin Phoenix is a cool little actor. Shyamalan has directed 6 movies (and written 7), and Joaquin has been in 2 of them, in a row. That's kinda good.

you're peeking inside the head of biancasimone @ 10:05 PM 0 comments

doot doot doot

Tomorrow marks the bimonthy, automatic deposit of funds from the company for which I work to my bank accout. :)

I've been thinking long and hard about this sorority thing... the one I wanted to join last year doesn't have as many good reasons for me to join as it did last year.  I dunno if I wanna go through recruitment (aka rush) or just try to join one in a couple months.  Maybe I should go sleep on it! :D

you're peeking inside the head of biancasimone @ 6:15 PM 3 comments

Gepetto... i'm a real girl!

Oh yes, friends... your local neighborhood Simone went shopping yesterday.  With 4 other girls.  Girls whose company she enjoyed!  It's one amazing news story after another here...
 
Anyway, Jen and I went to the Summit with a girl from France that she works with (Sabrina) who is here for a summer work exchange program, and her two friends Julie and Julia (so precious).  We went to Old Navy first... Julia started going crazy, and Julie and Sabrina checked out some purses on clearance. I saw how cute they were and had to check them out.  As soon as I looked, I HAD to get one for myself.  I also got some cute little buttons, and a notebook (with matching pencils!  darn girls) which shows my tribute to absolute disdain for standardized/scantron/multiple choice tests.  Then the French girls went to American Eagle and The Gap or Express (aren't they the same store anyway), and Jen and I went to Lane Bryant.  After trying on this cute outfit that I created myself, I decided not to buy anything (cause I'm not rich!) but one of the chicks that works there convinced me to fill out an application because [1] they're hiring, and [2] employees get a 45-55% discount!  SCORE!  So it would rock if I worked there.  And I've calculated how much free time I'd have during the week if I had 2 jobs, 16 hours of class + homework, and slept like 7 hours/day.  All I have to say is... less internet, but more money.  It's profitable.  No one online will miss me that much. :D
 
Then we went to Applebees and met up with Sherry... that was the most entertaining Applebees-without-Thumper experience I've ever had!  They thought our waiter was cute, and Sabrina even took a picture with him!  Then we all took pictures together, it was adorable.  Then the girls asked Jen if they could go grocery shopping, so the six of us went to Kroger.  Jen called it K-Roger and then they got confused... we explained store nicknames (like Wally World), and it was all good.  So we went to Kroger and Sabrina and Julia got a whole bunch of paper bags.  Jen, Sherry, and I got all confused and they were like, "we don't have paper bags in France!  things are easier to carry in these bags!" it was precious.
 
We dropped the girls off at Louisville Hall (where they live for the summer) and Sabrina made Jen her official close friend.  (French people signify aquaintances by one kiss on the cheek when saying hi/bye, okay friends with 2, and really good friends with 3!)  Jen got three kisses on the cheek and was so excited.  It's not only a big deal in any instance, but it's a big deal for a French person to consider an American person that good of a friend!  Yay Jen. :D  We came back and then Bryce and I played lots of Zelda.
 
All in all, it was a good day.  The hot boy came into work... that rocked.  Although Josh got an attitude with me because I put the toilet paper on the roll upside down.  But when you gotta go, you gotta go!  I didn't care how it was on there, I just put it on there.  Jen told me later on that he was joking, but he was being mean to me so I get to officially be mean to him until he gets off work tomorrow morning.  So, hah. :)

you're peeking inside the head of biancasimone @ 4:10 PM 0 comments

Stream of conciousness update

Yay for more Blogger website updates. :)  It's now SUPER user friendly.  Not that I needed it; my first webpage was made by myself using notepad!
 
Anyway, what I wanted to say was... I want to build my own desktop machine (cough wheeze computer wheeze cough). I think I'd have fun; not just building it, but looking for the parts.  I'd have to take it up as a hobby during co-op in the spring and the next summer.  It would rule.
 
Aaaand... change that previous quote of 2 dateable boys to 1.  As a matter of fact, make it goose egg.  I doubt the one remaining boy likes me "like that".  I'm sure he thinks I'm loopy, though he seems to enjoy talking to me after we go(went) to the gym.
 
Speaking of the gym, I think I should hit the bikes/treadmills for a half hour a day to make myself feel better.  Exercise always helps everything feel better... although sometimes sore immediately after.

you're peeking inside the head of biancasimone @ 1:55 AM 0 comments

Change is welcome...

...but not necessarily always positive

One of the best ways to adapt to change is also to change. So, if I seem a little more pensive or more brooding or more quiet that you're used to seeing me act, you're not going crazy. And nothing is too terribly wrong... yet. I feel like I'm grasping sand by the handful and then trying to go somewhere, like all the sand will still be in my hands when I get there. But everyone knows that if you grab sand, it will just slip through your fingers.

So maybe it's time to start over...

you're peeking inside the head of biancasimone @ 1:38 PM 2 comments

the dumbest of the smart girls

I can feel my IQ slipping every day. When I start going back to Speed School again (God have mercy on my poor little soul), I am going to be massacred. I don't have much insight as to why I feel I'm getting dumber everyday, or how it's happening... but it is.

Today is going to be one of those days. Maybe after I eat some food I should just crawl back into bed... *sigh* I hate this.

you're peeking inside the head of biancasimone @ 5:07 PM 1 comments

on another, random and unrelated, note...

Okay, so remember last week, during my long-assed post, when I said there were 3 guys I'd consider dating? Change that to 2... I can't compete with hot Canadian girls in slinky pink sequined dresses promising marriage. But hey, if you ever decide on divorce, separation, or annullment, you know who to call. No, really, call me!

you're peeking inside the head of biancasimone @ 10:42 PM 2 comments

Sleep and God

If there's two things I don't like in this world, it's people interrupting my sleep and people messing with God over email.

The sleep study thing was fine... I went to bed early, but the tradeoff was waking up at 6.30(ish) AM. And you'd think sleeping in a hospital bed with 20+ wires going everywhere would cause someone not to sleep as well. The wires don't really go everywhere. Just over one shoulder, and into a box with a strap on it (like a little bag) so when people (like me) have to potty in the middle of the night, instead of the nurse unhooking every wire and me dragging them to the bathroom, she just unplugged the box and said, "here, wear it like a necklace!" So I only dragged 2 wires (the ones on my legs). I also slept curled up on one side, which I was afraid of because of my back AND because of the wires. I got over it because I know I can't sleep on my back for very long anyway... I'd roll over to one side in my sleep so, hey, may as well do it while I'm coherent and make sure everything stays in place. They also had to put this gel(more like pomade)-type stuff in my hair to make the (6..I think) sensors on my scalp stay. And I had at least 8 on my face (attached with tape)... 6 or 8 on my chest... and one on each leg. The good news is, I don't have sleep apnea. The bad news is, I won't know what I have until September 1st (my follow-up appointment).

Okay, now onto the God thing... The one thing I don't like among other things in my inbox is an email that says, "If you don't forward this, you don't love God." So what, someone that doesn't have email doesn't love God either? Gah!!! I do love God. That's right, I said it. I LOVE GOD! He rules! That's all the email really asks for anyway, is to say that you love God. Well, I just said it twice! I think it's kind of a cop-out to send out that email because God wants you to reach out to people that don't know Him face-to-face. [I know that term is practically obsolete nowadays...] If you were to forward that to someone that truly wanted to know about God and they emailed you back, I don't think all the good things you could tell them would be as powerful as if it were in person. You can reach out and hug someone over email. You can't hear someone laugh or cry over email. So, if anyone ever sends me an email like that again, it's going in the trash. Not because I don't love God, but because I don't love SPAM.

you're peeking inside the head of biancasimone @ 1:34 PM 2 comments

Where'd y'all go?

So, maybe that last post was a bit much for some (most) of my faithful readers... although most of my close friends knew about at least one of those subjects, I think it shocked the hell out of the rest of you. And if it didn't, I could give a shit so don't post some bull comment about "naw dawg, i wuznt schoked." I will delete it.

Anyway, for those of you that are concerned about my personal health and safety, I'm taking a sleep analysis test tonight. Dr. Maron thought I might have a sleep disorder (I know I have to have at least 2). And you just thought I had anger management problems and voices... haha, that's rich. :) I'm really starting to go crazy over this speech impediment that I've picked up because of my (self- and WebMD-diagnosed) depression. So, if I get put on meds for depression and sleep problems, that means I'll have 5 perscription meds! Wheee! Anyway, I'm not supposed to nap OR have caffeine, and I have to shower, wash my hair, eat dinner, and be dressed in my PJs when I get there. I've already messed up the caffeine thing (I should be okay)...

I really do apologize for being angry/slightly not happy. It happens. :)

you're peeking inside the head of biancasimone @ 3:25 PM 1 comments

All up in yo' grill

Today was one of those days where I woke up and wanted to just curl up in the corner with my knees drawn to my chest and cry while I slowly rocked back and forth.

I thought long and hard about doing this post. I thought it would be really dangerous, but then I realized it won't be (at least to OTHER people) because it's all about what's going on in my noggin, not how irate I am at someone [I'm sure somebody took a sigh of relief--my faithful readers already know I'm not afraid to rip someone a new one if they f* with me and don't try to make it up soon]. I know most of you think I'm all comical and chipper but... I'm not. At least, not right now.


Part I: Me, Myself, and I
Before I start off, I want to say that I really am proud of the progress that I've made with losing weight, even though I haven't made any huge strides.

When I first got here, I felt like I was a little bubble with arms and legs. I know that wasn't true, but if you ever went to my house, you'd know why I'm uncomfortable a lot of the time about my self: Mom and Kyle. Anyway, back to the story, after my first semester I lost a lot of weight. I was really proud of myself, and other people were proud of me too. I anticipated gaining some weight over the winter break, and I did. I was totally cool with that, I could walk it off like I'd been doing the past few months. And when I came back... I didn't walk it off. Not right away, anyway. During the winter, my body stores fat like you wouldn't believe. It's crazy. When it started to get nicer, I brought my bike from home and rode it around a little bit. I got comfortable with where my weight was after the summer. Fast forward 2 semesters... at the end of this past spring semester, I was kind of worried about my grandmother and her health. Just when it looked like everything would be okay, her body seemed to just crash. Then we played the waiting game... I knew she was going to die, and I prayed about 5 nights in a row that when she died, she would go peacefully. When she died, it was a huge blow to everything. It was the 2nd day of summer classes... and I just dropped everything. I emailed all my teachers and told them, and most of them wished me luck and hoped to see me again soon. Then I went home for a while... and all I did was eat and sleep. Boom, I gained all that freaking weight back [not just from being home, but also for doing the same thing in L'ville for about 2 weeks]. Anyway, I've been going to the gym and I weighed myself yesterday and realized that I probably slightly underestimated how much I gained. I know that since I started working out again I've gained muscle mass... and that, now, losing weight for me isn't a number game. It's a 'feel good' thing. It's a 'drop a couple clothing sizes' game. I do know that I am really muscular, and that's a lot of my weight. I also know that it would be to my benefit if I lost some of my butt and stomach fat (damn being a girl... damn it to hell).

Part II: Depression
I've realized that I've been having some major problems with my speech for about a month or so now. It's really started to bother me, but I didn't think there was anything to do about it except work my brain. Then I took some quiz about depression and found out that problems with speech are a symptom of depression (how weird... but if you think about it, it REALLY makes sense). If it were THE defining symptom, I'd say that I've been depressed for about 3 years (yes, that would be my junior year). And, it's probably right. Then there's my grandmother dying... it's bad enough when you don't want to cry at your grandmother's funeral to be strong for everyone. Yea, I did cry. I wasn't the loudest one there, but there were some major tears shed. Then I had to walk up to the casket. I've never walked so fast in my life. I just bowed my head and whispered, "I'll see you in heaven, gran." As soon as I turned around, I went right to my dad (who was actually on the other side of the pew). He and his younger sister were definitely the two people crying the most. You don't know heartbreak until you see your father cry. I hugged him for God-only-knows how long... maybe 5 minutes, maybe 10. When I went back to my seat, I hugged Brian about the same way. I don't think I cried the rest of that funeral. But, if there was anything that could break me, it was one of my favorite people dying on TOP of the fact that I wasn't in school. I know I chose to drop my classes, but I knew it was the best option because I'd have to miss SO much class. You guys might think I'm silly, but I love school. I just adore it. I don't love all the classes, but I really enjoy learning. I always have... and no matter how I've ever felt, I knew that I could look forward to school. Not necessarily the classes, but my friends. As much as I seem to keep everyone at arm's length, if I'm away from my friends for too long I start feel really down. I think that's one of the reasons why I hate this semester so much... I'm not taking any Speed classes, and the one class that I AM taking I don't really like too much. On top of the fact that I'm not doing as well as I should be doing in there. I should be able to get a B easily, and definitely be working off my butt for an A. But it seems whatever I do, I can't perform as well as I can.

Part III: I've never been afraid of the future... until now
For those of you that know me REALLY well (read: Bridget and Ed), you know that I've never really been afraid of the future. I hold this (some people see it as) cryptic/eerie belief that, as much as I want to have children, this world will end before I get to have any [although I might make it to getting married--but that vision is hazy too]. And I think a lot of people know that I want to adopt. I feel that everyone deserves a second chance. And plenty of hugs daily and lots of love. But back to the story... right now, I'm afraid for the future because of everything that's going on. I've had my scholarship chopped cleanly in half... meaning if I want to be able to keep going in school I'm going to have to either get another job or get more hours in the math lab (the 2nd one is more plausible right now since I'm without a car). I can't really ask for a whole bunch of money from my parents. I know they'll hook me up and all but... money is not a fun issue to bring up at home since Dad's had to pay grandma's "last bills" by practically himself (his sisters couldn't help very much). I'm just worried that I'll start saving and feeling comfortable again and then something will happen. LIKE: I won't get a co-op job (if that happened, I'd just quit school... I couldn't handle that) because some anal employer will think I'm unprofessional for having a tattoo on my wrist (I say: F you, uptight person). I can get around the tongue ring thing, I'm not afraid of taking it out. LIKE: I'll be without a car for another semester. Not having a car is really breaking my heart... I used to relieve stress by just driving my car and listening to music. Can't do that now, though, can I? LIKE: Lonliness. This, by itself, just makes me want to cry. I feel like the odd duck ALL the time. I think it goes back to not being able to let people get reallllly close to me. I really want to live for someone else (that's what kids and marriage will be all about for me). A lot of people don't know it, but I'm not here for me. I'm here to make sure everyone else is doing okay. The times I've been the most upset in my life have all dealt with someone else being really sad, and me feeling like I couldn't help. I really want to get a puppy or (sigh) boyfriend. I'd opt for the dog first, because dogs always make me feel happy when I'm in a not-so-great mood... with the boyfriend, he could potentially be the reason why I'm in a not-so-great mood, but then again he could make me smile when I'm down. It's all about opportunity costs. Besides, the three guys that I would seriously consider dating... I'm too afraid of the answer to ask them to be "muh bo'frien". And I don't think I could really handle rejection OR being in a relationship for the time being.


So now that I've poured my heart onto the page, consider yourself closer of a friend to me. This is the closest that most people will ever get to me, and closer than I want some people be. But, this is the cost of having a low-inhibitions blog. If it were any other way, I wouldn't love my blog as much. I'd love to go on and on but... I have work to go to, and a final to finish studying for AND take, and moving out/moving in to do.

you're peeking inside the head of biancasimone @ 12:03 PM 2 comments